Dear Self,

You have been through so much in the last couple of months and I know it felt like every time you are this close to winning, you always end up losing so much more. But I admire you for still being here. I know how many times you thought that quitting is the last resort yet here you are -- smiling as if nothing bad has ever happened. Your strong willpower is one of the most beautiful things about you. Thank you for staying brave, thank you for being a fighter. 

You have always been an amazing listener to everyone that matters to you. During the tough times when you felt like you needed to face things on your own, you met the real people who will always have your back. And that is one of the wonderful things that came out of it, you were able to keep the real ones and discard those who are only there in the good times. You learned to let go of things that aren't meant to be. You learned that you can still lose despite playing the game right. I know it was hard to accept because you know how hard you've worked for it, how hard you prayed for it -- but, I am so proud that you're slowly letting it go. Lessons are learned and you still believe that one day you will get there.

Self, there are still more challenges that await you in the coming months or years but all these circumstances have prepared you to be strong. Remember to rest when you're exhausted. Remember to fight when needed. Keep the things that matter and let go of everything that makes you doubt your existence. You are never a waste of space. You are worth it.

And I hope that one day when everything starts to sail smoothly - remember all the battles you fought and be grateful that you made it to this day.

XO.

R

You know what, I have been up to so many different things towards the end of 2021 and early 2022. I feel so overwhelmed of what has been going on with my career and personal life. Many people knows only the bits and pieces of the process but not a lot of people knows the complications in between.

But I don’t want to give up just yet. I am writing this blog entry for me to have something to look back on regarding this experience. I honestly think everything is worth fighting for until the end, I can still feel my silver lining shining so I really need to pull myself back together. But, allowing myself to take a quick break is what my soul needs to heal and continue fighting. We’re almost there and we’re gonna make it.

This is a reminder that a lot of people has my back and is willing to take every risk with me for my dream. I’m not gonna be a victim of this shit-ass system, no not this time. Remember my name cause I am gonna bounce back. Remember what my mama Taylor says: “I come back stronger than a 90s trend”.

In time, you will know what this is all about and please please, if you’re reading this, please pray for me. 

Light and Love 💛

Riri

Muni-Muni - reflection/reflecting, pondering.

While I'm writing this entry, I am almost done with all my meetings for this year. Unless another one comes up in the next two days. We are actually given time to have a break and I honestly need this well-deserved break. What a year it has been! I don't know, it is a year that has played with my mental health, physical health, and my emotions. I don't how I made it, but somehow I survived - with flying colors. 💛

It may be because we're stuck at home since March 2020 and the only places that went to were groceries, hospitals, etc. Or maybe because I haven't seen anybody else for over 12 months. Maybe I miss eating at my favorite fast-food restaurants that are not available nearby. 😢 Probably because losing a loved one all of a sudden is the hardest -- or losing another one a few months after maybe harder. 😢 I don't know but with God's grace, I am still here -- alive and kicking and writing this entry. Or is it because I still got sick despite staying at home most of the time? My faith was almost shaken and I wanted to give up right then and there. Or was it because of people with judging looks on their faces? Not knowing what you're going through, not knowing how you managed to survive and sustain the needs of everyone who relies on you. 2021, you were pretty hard on me. But somehow, I am here. 

Despite all of these, seeing the smile on the faces of the people I love is worth every teardrop I have shed in the last 12 months. 💛 The wagging tails of my dogs is enough reason to keep going. The dreams that nanay left all of a sudden are enough to keep on dreaming. 💛 And all the battles that I have won are enough to keep on fighting. 💛 I may not still understand why I had to go through all of these but someday I will. I will look back with a brave face and tell myself that it was worth it. 💙 Thank you, dear self for fighting. 💙 

And in a couple of weeks, my dear you'll be in a better place. 🌙 Everything will make sense one day, all you have to do for now is to live one day at a time. 💜 Make mistakes but bounce back! Break your heart but never settle. By now, I truly believe that with everything that you went through, you've learned your lessons. 👩

To everyone who stayed, thank you. To those who believed in me, I appreciate you.

And to those who loved me, I thank God for you.

Xo,

Ria💕

Red is about to be mine again, but it has always been ours. Tonight we begin again. 💕

Yay! So last week, my girl Taylor released her version of her fourth album RED. To be honest, Red is not really my number 1 favorite album/era of Taylor but my goodness, the songs in RED are all so good. If you will ask me what my favorite album is I'd say Speak Now because it makes me feel young again but I somehow relate to both Red and Reputation albums. Anyway, it took me a while to write about Red TV because I wanted to have a listen first and savor each masterpiece. (Also memorize the 10-minute version of all too well)

Treacherous

Favorite Lyrics: I'd be smart to walk away, but your quicksand // Forever going with the flow but you're friction

State of Grace

Favorite Lyrics: So you were never a saint And I've loved in shades of wrong // We learn to live with the pain, Mosaic broken hearts // But this love is brave and wild

The Moment I Knew

Favorite Lyrics: And what do you do when the one who means the most to you Is the one who didn't show?

and ofc All Too Well

Favorite Lyrics: And you call me up again just to break me like a promise // So casually cruel in the name of being honest

Now! I'm gonna be ranking the tracks From the Vault, it's hard because I love them all! 💕 

All Too Well (10 MV)

Favorite Lyrics: 

There we are again when nobody had to know -- you kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath // Sacred prayer and we'd swear to remember it all too well

They say all's well that ends well but I'm in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind // You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine and that made me want to die //  Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? // Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too? //

Nothing New (Ft Phoebe Bridgers)

Favorite Lyrics:  How can a person know everything at eighteen, but nothin' at twenty-two? // And will you still want me when I'm nothin' new?

Better Man

Favorite Lyrics: We might still be in love if you were a better man // You would've been the one if you were a better man

Message in a Bottle

Favorite Lyrics: Message in a bottle is all I can do; standin' here, hopin' it gets to you 

I Bet You Think About Me (Ft Chris Stapleton)

Favorite Lyrics: But it turned out I'm harder to forget than I was to leave // I bet you think about me when you say: "Oh my God, she's insane, she wrote a song about me"

Just another slow day, this happens a lot during the Christmas Season. There are fewer applicants and most of the people are not open to new opportunities. So it is always a slow work week since the start of November. Anyway, I haven't had the chance to list down my Christmas Wishlist last year and I don't know why. I may have forgotten to do it but this year, I just really wanted to make a list. It is not really necessary to get all these this Christmas. 😉

1.) New Phone

3.) New laptop

Enjoy the holidays! 💚🌲

Xo,

Ria

But I just really wanna thank God for still keeping me afloat despite everything and is still continuously showering my family with so much blessing right after every storm. I'm grateful that I have a job that sustains the needs of my family, I recently celebrated my second year anniversary with Genesys 💛 and I am looking forward to more. I am blessed to have a wonderful set of trusted friends who have been my support system through it all. It is important to count your blessings in every storm that you go through, this will serve as your reminder that you were never left and forsaken. 💚

I am also preparing for a huge leap, I am stoked to share the news with you but I am still waiting for the right time. The reason that I made sure that my blog is up is so that I could keep you updated with everything that I will go through in the next coming weeks. 😁 I have prayed long and hard for this and finally, God heard me! 😇 Please pray for me that everything will run smoothly till the day finally comes and I promise, I will share everything when the time is right. 💋

Also, I got www.theawkwardprobinsyana.com back! Yay! 👏 It took me awhile to realize that I need to create another account for me to renew the domain name. 😂 I don't know how to explain it but I am just glad that it is back. 😏

Hmm, what else? Oh, and I also started binge-watching Grey's Anatomy. It just happened. 😅 It has been trending for a while when it aired on Netflix but I didn't watch it until last month now I am hooked. I didn't even know Patrick Dempsey was Dr Shepherd lol, I just recognized the face from Enchanted HAHAHA 😓 I also participated in the Goodreads reading challenge and I can feel that I won't finish it as usual. 😅

Alright, enough talking. I've been talking a lot lately. I am practicing, I need to be fluent for my next adventure. 😉 Oops, is that a clue? ✌

Thanks for reading, be safe fairies.

Xo,

Ria